Lube, Toys, and Taboos: The No-Nonsense Guide to Exploring Your Intimate Life

Reading time: ~8 minutes

Let’s be honest for a second. Exploring new things in your intimate life can feel a lot like showing up to a party where everyone else already knows the dress code. You’re standing at the door, slightly overdressed or underdressed, wondering if you missed some memo that everyone else apparently received at birth.

The thing is — nobody got that memo. We’re all just pretending we did.

The topics we’re about to cover are ones that people Google at 11 pm when they think no one is watching. They’re the questions whispered between close friends over wine, or the ones that quietly live in the back of your mind for months before you finally do something about them. And because nobody talks about them openly, we all assume we’re the only ones who don’t have it figured out. But you are not alone. Not even slightly.

So let’s clear the air. We’re going to talk about lube, sex toys, and the taboos that keep us stuck in our comfort zones — with zero judgment, a bit of humor, and enough practical information that you’ll actually walk away knowing something useful.

1. Lube: It’s an Upgrade, Not a Fix

Let’s start by dismantling the single most persistent myth in intimate wellness:

“Lube is only for people who have a problem.”

Absolutely, categorically, 100% false. And honestly, whoever started this rumor did a lot of damage.

Lube is for comfort. It’s for confidence. It’s for making a good time a great time. Think of it like adding butter to a pan before you cook. Sure, you could skip it, but why would you willingly choose the friction? Most people, yes, even the ones who swear everything is working “perfectly fine,” benefit from it. It’s not a repair kit. It’s an upgrade.

Why People Actually Need (and Want) Lube

The human body is wonderfully complex, which is a polite way of saying it doesn’t always cooperate on demand. Natural lubrication is influenced by a long list of things: stress, hormones, medication, hydration, where you are in your cycle, how tired you are, whether you had an argument earlier that day, and approximately a thousand other variables. Expecting your body to perform identically every single time is like expecting your WiFi to be perfect regardless of weather, location, or how many devices are connected. It just doesn’t work that way.

And beyond all of that, some activities simply require extra lubrication regardless of how aroused you are. This is just physics, not a personal failing.

Choosing the Right Lube (Without a Chemistry Degree)

The lube aisle — whether physical or digital — can be genuinely overwhelming. Here’s a simple breakdown:

Water-based lube is the most versatile and beginner-friendly option. It’s compatible with all toy materials and all condom types, easy to clean up, and gentle on skin. The only downside is that it can dry out faster than other types, so you may need to reapply. For most people starting out, this is the one to reach for first.

Silicone-based lube lasts significantly longer and feels incredibly smooth. It’s great for activities where reapplying isn’t convenient. The catch: it degrades silicone toys over time, so if you’re using silicone toys, stick to water-based. It’s also a bit harder to wash off, which is either a feature or a bug, depending on your perspective.

Oil-based lube (including natural options like coconut oil) feels luxurious and lasts a long time. However, it breaks down latex condoms, so it’s not suitable if you’re using them. It can also disrupt vaginal pH for some people, so it’s worth being mindful of that.

The Reality Check: A friend of mine avoided lube for years because she was convinced that using it meant her body was “failing” her. When she finally decided to just try it — mostly out of curiosity, her exact words were: “Why didn’t anyone tell me this feels like leveling up?” Exactly. Sometimes the smallest additions make the biggest difference.

2. Toys: You Don’t Need a PhD in Pleasure

Sex toys can feel incredibly intimidating when you’re new to them. You walk into a shop or open a browser tab in incognito mode, let’s be real, and suddenly you’re faced with a rainbow of silicone shapes that look like modern art sculptures or components of a spaceship. It’s like trying to order coffee in a language you don’t speak. Everything sounds vaguely familiar but nothing quite makes sense.

Here’s the secret: you don’t need to be a pro to start. You don’t even need to know what you’re doing. That’s the whole point of starting.

Where to Actually Begin with Toys

The most common mistake beginners make is assuming they need to start somewhere dramatic. They don’t. The best first toy is one that feels approachable, not one that looks impressive in a drawer.

Vibrators are the most popular starting point for good reason; they’re versatile, easy to use, and come in a huge range of intensities. A small, external vibrator is a great first choice for anyone who wants to explore without committing to anything overwhelming.

Couples’ toys are designed for use together and are a fantastic option if you want to introduce something new into a relationship without it feeling like a solo project. They tend to be less intimidating because the experience is shared.

Massage wands are technically marketed as back massagers, which means they’re sold in perfectly respectable shops, and nobody raises an eyebrow. They’re also incredibly powerful and widely loved. We’ll leave it at that.

When it comes to materials, look for body-safe options such as medical-grade silicone, stainless steel, or borosilicate glass. Avoid anything that smells strongly of chemicals straight out of the box; that’s a sign of porous materials that can harbor bacteria.

The Reality Check: A guy friend once confessed he’d bought a toy for his partner but kept it hidden in his sock drawer for three full months. He was terrified she’d think it was “too weird,” or worse, that it implied he was unhappy with their sex life. When he finally brought it out, they couldn’t stop laughing as they tried to figure out how it worked. Turns out, the shared awkwardness brought them closer. The toy itself? A total hit. The sock drawer? Retired.

3. Taboos: Let’s Break Them (Gently, But Firmly)

Here’s the thing about taboos: they’re not born from logic. They’re born from silence. Nobody sat down and rationally decided that talking about sex should be embarrassing. It just became that way because nobody talked about it, and the silence created shame, which created more silence. It’s a very effective cycle that serves absolutely no one.

We all carry these invisible, silent rules about what’s “normal” or “acceptable.” Maybe your rule is that you shouldn’t talk about sex openly, even with a partner. Maybe it’s the feeling of deep embarrassment that’s making you want to try something new. Maybe it’s the quiet conviction that whatever you’re curious about is somehow too much, too weird, too specific, too different from what everyone else seems to want.

Let’s get one thing very straight: Curiosity isn’t shameful. Desire isn’t shameful. Learning isn’t shameful.

The Most Common Taboos (And Why They’re Nonsense)

“Wanting more means something is wrong with my relationship.” No. Wanting to explore, try new things, or deepen your intimate life is a sign of engagement, not dissatisfaction. Curiosity is healthy. Stagnation is not.

“Talking about what I want is selfish or demanding.” Communicating your desires to a partner is one of the most generous things you can do for your relationship. It removes guesswork, builds trust, and makes the experience better for both of you. Silence, on the other hand, tends to breed resentment and missed connections.

“If I need help or guidance, I must be doing something wrong.” You wouldn’t feel embarrassed about taking a cooking class because you want to improve your skills in the kitchen. Intimacy education is no different. Learning is not an admission of failure — it’s an investment in yourself and your relationships.

“Whatever I’m curious about is probably weird.” It almost certainly isn’t. The range of human desire is vast, and the things that feel uniquely strange to you are usually things that thousands, often millions of other people, are equally curious about. You are not an outlier. You’re just someone who hasn’t found their community yet.

How to Start Breaking Them

The most effective way to dismantle a taboo is simply to start talking. Not necessarily publicly, not necessarily with everyone, but with yourself first, and then with the people you trust.

Ask yourself: Where did this rule come from? Is it actually mine, or did I inherit it from somewhere? Often, the beliefs we carry about sex and intimacy were handed to us by culture, family, religion, or media, and we never stopped to question whether they actually reflect what we think and feel.

If you ever catch yourself thinking, “Am I the only one who wants to try this?” — trust me, you are not. Not even close. And if you want gentle, judgment-free guidance on how to explore that curiosity, that’s exactly what Lusole was built for.

Final Thought: Start Small, Stay Curious

You don’t need experience to explore. You don’t need to have it all figured out before you begin. You just need an open mind and the willingness to be a little beginner.

Start small. Stay curious. Keep things fun. And when something feels awkward or confusing, which it will, because that’s just part of the process, remember that the awkwardness is temporary and the discovery is permanent.

You are not behind. You are not broken. You are just someone who is ready to learn, and that is exactly the right place to start.

Ready to explore more without the overwhelm? Check our expert-led courses, no shame, no judgment, just knowledge.

Yours, Joey